Jack O'Daniels was a kind, quiet man, but unfortunately a childhood accident involving some McDonald's coffee that was hotter than he anticipated scarred and disfigured his face. This accident left him with very few friends growing up, as well as the dreaded "Photo Not Available" box each year in the school yearbook--despite the peculiar fact that he indeed did get his photo taken every time. Not one to let his physical irregularities define him as a person, Jack did his best to maintain a happy lifestyle. Once he reached college, however, one fateful Halloween at a Frat party Jack decided to accept a dare in order to impress his peers and hopefully find a girlfriend (or at least a girl who didn't fake a family emergency as soon as he made eye contact with her). Heading to the local cemetery, Jack stuck a hallowed-out pumpkin on his head and navigated blindly through the graves and recited an ancient chant involving the words, "drink," "party," "whoa," and "ancient evil spirit." Stumbling into a mausoleum, Jack accidentally triggered a magical rune in the form of a goblet and, in a swirl of light and fire, his head transformed into a hybrid between the enormous gourd he was wearing and his uniquely twisted facial features. Stuck in this form forever, Jack now resides in the mausoleum and only emerges once a year on the 31st of October, when he can freely walk the streets and fit in with the crowd. It's the only day of the year that he gets compliments, and it's the day he lives for and looks forward to.
The rest of the year, Jack spends his time making calls as a telemarketer for vacation timeshares and enjoying games of hide and seek with his blind girlfriend, Jill the Ripper.
(It'd probably look a lot better if I had an orange marker to color the entire cup with. But I don't! This is what you get and you better enjoy it!)
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