Cup #5: Atticus

This is Atticus. He's a sipster. What's a sipster, you ask? Basically, a sipster is a hippie with no agenda other than to be "unique." And, by unique, I mean that he looks exactly like all other sipsters.

Self-important and obsessed with how he looks at all times (while trying to make it seem as if he actually doesn't care at all), Atticus can be found riding his bicycle everywhere he goes, usually listening to music by a band that you've probably never heard of. He likes photography, but doesn't own a camera. Instead, he takes all of his photos on his iPhone and uses a program to apply "retro" filters to them to make them look like they were taken with a crappy Polaroid in an overexposed environment somehow washed with a yellow tint from no identifiable source.

Sure, Atticus may seem cordial and approachable, but don't let the beard and thick-rimmed glasses fool you. I hope for your sake that if you ever speak to him, you dare not mention that you enjoy anything mainstream or he'll blow cigarette smoke in your face and scoff in your general direction. "What? You drive a car? That's so uncool and bad for the environment. You eat meat? How unethical. You shower regularly? You're nothing but a sheep of society, lost in the flock of mediocrity. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to buy a new pair of Nikes and then shop for some obscure records to add to my collection that I can't actually listen to because I don't physically own a turntable."

[UPDATE!]

Atticus was on his iPad earlier and saw the photo of himself on the blog. He decided that it wasn't unique enough and sent me this one to use instead. Typical.